Sign over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

Door to endoscopy:
"To expedite your visit, please back in"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

In a hospital:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In a podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

A new medical facility with several different specialists opened in a trendy part of the city last month.
Wanting to be different and creative, the administration decided that each doctor's office f would, in some way, be representative of his practice.
So, when construction was complete, the eye doctor's door had a peep hole, the orthopedist's door had a broken hinge, the psychiatrist's door was painted all kinds of crazy colors, and the proctologist's door was left open - just a crack.

"We have the results back from your test and... I'm sorry, you have an extremely contagious deadly disease known as G.A.S.H."
"G.A.S.H?" replies the man. "What the heck is that?"
"It's a combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, SARS and herpes," explains the doctor.
"My gosh, Doc!" screams the man in a panic, "what are we going to do?"
"Well, we're going to put you on a strict diet of pizza and pancakes," says the doctor matter-of-factly.
"Will that cure me?"
"No," says the doctor, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."